Choose life. Choose a job.
Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television.
Choose washing machines, cars, compact-disc players,
and electrical tin openers.
Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance.
Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments.
Choose a starter home. Choose your friends.
Choose leisurewear and matching luggage.
Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose D.I. Y. and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting, watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.
Choose rotting away at the end of it, pissing your last in a miserable home.
An embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats that you’ve spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future. Choose life.
But why would I want to do a thing like that?
I chose not to choose life.
I chose something else.
And the reasons?
There are no reasons.
Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?
Choose Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and hope that someone, somewhere cares.
Choose looking up old flames, wishing you’d done it all differently.
And choose watching history repeat itself.
Choose your future.
Choose reality TV, slut shaming, revenge porn.
Choose a zero hour contract, a two hour journey to work.
And choose the same for your kids, only worse, and smother the pain with an unknown dose of an unknown drug made in somebody’s kitchen.
And then, take a deep breath.
You’re an addict, so be addicted. Just be addicted to something else.
Choose the ones you love.
Choose your future.
It was a quiet Sunday. I decided to meet someone I barely knew.
I got off a train to the city and pulled out my phone in the middle of light rain. He sent me his location. Deep inside I was a bit anxious, meeting someone I’ve never met before. I found him in a corner of street coffee shop. He was staring at his laptop and I stood in front of his table for a moment, making sure that was him. He raised his chin and smiled at me. I pulled out my hand as he immediately shook mine. I sat down after I ordered a cup of joe. I lit my cigarettes and the small talks began while he was still doing his script works until he decided to close the laptop then asked me in the eye where I wanted to go.
We eventually went somewhere we’ve never been, for the sake of curiosity and an escapee before start a new week.
Your mind become limitless, you know exactly what’s in for you in the near future, you’ll become unstoppable yet reach your peace of mind and undistracted with anything in front of you except your truly goal at the moment.
The downside is you couldn’t stop it easily, you’ll get super exhausted by the end of the day, and you can absorb all information from the tiniest movement of your body. After you finished your goal, you’ll be information overload and suddenly care about the world, people, and even the stupidest politics that happening around you.
Eventually, you’ll sleep better at night and forget everything that happened like you skip the time before.
I was on a self-loathe last week. I hate myself, people, and everything I did was a wrong version of an alternate universe. My head wouldn’t shut up at night and sleep til’ noon messed me up as fuck, until I thought I just need some solitary and a lil’ bit of fun.